Tic-Tac-Toe Parenting

Raising children is a constant battle of trial and error, don't ya think? It's like a never ending game of tic-tac-toe where you're keeping your fingers crossed that someone doesn't take your box before you get to claim it.

Several weeks ago, my clever and quick witted 5 year old put her O (she's always the O's) in one of my X boxes. I wasn't prepared for it. I didn't handle it well. And to be completely honest, I'm still figuring out how I could have won that round.

You see, I had my daughter before I got married. I never married her biological father (can I get am amen?). I was 23 when she was born. I wasn't a child but I certainly wasn't prepared for raising a child. Then again, who really is!?

I maintained a decent paying job, continued through school, and rented a little apartment for the two of us. We were basically the toddler version of Gilmore Girls. When she was 2, I met my soulmate and we married shortly after her 3rd birthday. We said goodbye to our little apartment and moved across town as a newly blended family into our current home.

My daughter has always been observant. She notices things an adult wouldn't expect a child to notice. Her commentary is on par . Sometimes when we're out running errands or going to church, she'll point out our "old house" (as she calls it) as we pass the entrance to the development. I always think it's remarkable how she remembers we lived there because she was so young at the time.

Then the day happened where she put her O in my box. We were headed to church as a big happy family, as we always do on Sunday's, and we passed the apartment complex. No big deal, usually. She said something about it, remembering how small it was, and said there's no way we'd all fit in there now. Kid genius. Then she said, "you know mommy, you were supposed to have my baby brother BEFORE you got married".

Knife. In. Chest.

It doesn't happen often but I was speechless. I tried processing what was happening. My husband, bless his heart {*side eye*}, immediately said "well, actually you're not". I'm pretty sure he felt the fire darts on his face that my eyes were beaming at him. Did he really just say that? Lord, this child is going to need so much therapy.

What do I do? What do I say? Do I panic? Do I explain the truth? Do I pretend I didn't hear her? For the love that is all good and holy, WHAT. DO. I. DO?!?

I did nothing. I said nothing. My eyes welled up with tears. We drove the last 2 minutes to church. It was the longest 2 minutes of my life.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about that moment since it happened. For some reason, I had this fairytale fantasy that when I finally found my beloved, my single mom problems would go away. The majority of them probably have but there are still times I feel unequivocally incapable of being a good mom. As a single mom, I constantly thought about "the talk" I'd eventually have with my daughter. I've tossed and turned at night thinking about her being in my position one day and praying I raise her to make wise choices. I've feared the questions she may ask as she gets older. I've prayed for the words to come from God when the time does come. But I didn't expect it to come up already.

Being a positive role model for my daughter is probably my biggest goal as a mother. I want her to see me as a faithful Christian, loving mom, a doting wife, and a servant to others in hopes that she'll learn a little something from me to carry with her into adulthood.

Despite becoming a Christian at 17, it took me being 22, unwed, and pregnant before I took my relationship with God seriously. I want to give my child something that my childhood lacked. I want to give my children a love for Jesus and a foundation in Christ above all else. Over the years I've tried so desperately to live in a way that is pleasing to God. I've failed miserably time and again.

"For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift from God" (Ephesians 2:8). Read that again. Did you catch it? Paul specifies God's grace is THE GIFT from God, not a gift or one gift. Grace is all we need. Praise the Lord for His grace! To all the single mommas out there who may read this, you have God's grace too, you just have to ask for it!

There is a U2 song that I love. The song says "Grace, she takes the blame, covers the shame, and removes the stain...it's also a thought that could change the world...Grace makes beauty of ugly things". That is the Good News. That is the message Jesus wants us to spread. God's grace is enough! Even when we sin, we make mistakes, we take the wrong path, and we have consequences to live with, God turns our mess into beauty when we seek Him.

So even though I'm wallowing in enough self pity to fill the Olympic pools over what happened that day in the car, I'm reminded that I'm covered by God's grace. And when the time comes for me to answer the uncomfortable questions that are inevitably headed my way, I can answer them knowing my daughter will learn how God's amazing grace washed away my sins.

I have such a soft spot for single moms and blended families. I've been on all sides of the equation. I know it's not easy. I pray for you. God is speaking through me to all of you reading this. He's speaking to all of the other moms and dads out there who are going to have uncomfortable talks with their children one day. God's got you covered. Your old transgressions are washed away. Relish that.

Blessings and brownies,

Anna

#parenting #faith #singlemom #grace #God #children